Becoming Human
I’ve been mulling over a lot of things lately. I have a ton of stuff going on in my head and heart that really is hard to get together into one cohesive thought. I finally came to realize tonight that the thing that I am struggling with most isn’t what the future looks like in terms of ministry, work or even our life. I’m struggling with my own humanity. I’m struggling to identify who I am a person and what exactly I’m here for. Here is what I mean….
You see, for a long time I struggled with my vocation. For me, this was evidently how I measured my own contribution to humanity. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to connect the thing that feeds my family with the thing that feeds my soul. I’m not sure why I struggle mightily to make those two worlds collide. I can name countless folks in my life who have made a tremendous impact on humanity apart from their vocation, so I’m not sure where I picked up this idea. The good news is that I think I’ve come to terms with the dicotomy that exists between vocation and contribution. (That is not to say that I’ve put it fully into practice, but I’ve come to an ideological understanding of the concept.)
I’ve said on numerous occasions that I have had many ideas about what I would like to be when I grow up. Those of you closest to me know this to be true. I’ve wanted to be everything from a medical doctor to a police officer to a teaching pastor and pretty much everything in between. This makes perfect sense in the context of the quest for vocation and life mission. I’m at the point where none of that really matters. I’ve come to the realization that difference makers are difference makers in spite of that which puts food on their table.
The people that make a difference in this world are simply humans fighting to make the world a better place. The people who make a difference don’t do it because they get paid to do it, they do it because the can’t not do it. I’ve been on a futile quest for far too long. I’m on a quest to become human, making this world a better place just by being me. I’m no longer searching to put a label on my life by what I do for a living. I’m okay with that, I hope that you are as well.
I hope that you’ll join with me in the journey to becoming human in order to save the world. Part of that journey is becoming “even more undignified than this” and “join the barbarian tribe and to embrace our call as mystical warriors” (Erwin McManus in The Barbarian Way).
Tony, I think you hit it right on the head. That seems to me to be what life is all about. At least the Christian life. The old “bloom where you are planted” thing.
I am 44 years old and STILL am not sure what I want to be when I ‘grow-up’. I will say (in regards to what Bill Wheeler said about ‘bloom where you are planted) that for all the BS(can I write that?) I have spouted, all these years; it isn’t for lack of fertilizer that I haven’t ‘flowered’.
I think I have come a long way in the last couple of years, thanks to my Family at Journey Church and God’s grace. I have taken the focus off of what career I can do to ‘change the world’ and instead have focused on ‘changing me’. I have had these high ideals of making the world a better place, but have found that the best course of action to accomplish that is to, first, be the best I can be. If I am to be used as a ‘tool’ for the Lord, then I need to make sure that I am an ‘instrument’ in tip-top shape, spiritually. Also, I need to make a positive impact in my neighborhood before I tackle the world.
Sorry for the long comment. Hope you and the family are well.